If you’ve been intrigued by BDSM in the past few years, you’re not alone: kinky desires are more popular than ever.
However, that doesn’t mean everyone’s immediately skilled at and knowledgeable about the kink acts they want to explore! Even the domliest dom and subbiest sub have to start somewhere. Here are five suggestions for easy ways to dip your toe into the dark waters of kink…
When you picture someone doing kinky stuff, probably a blindfold factors into that visualization somewhere. It’s a classic for good reason: taking away someone’s sight for the length of a kink scene can be anything from a titillating tease to a terrifying torment. They won’t know where you are, what you’re doing exactly, or what’s going to happen next. You can have all kinds of fun with that!
Take sensory deprivation to the next level by adding earplugs or noise-canceling headphones. This degree of vulnerability should only be offered up to partners you truly trust, but gosh, it sure is fun to have zero clue what someone’s going to do to you next!
As we’ve discussed before, impact play – the broad category of kink acts which includes such delights as spanking, whipping, flogging, caning, and punching – is an easy way to straddle the line between pain and pleasure. If you’re curious about sadomasochism but aren’t sure if you’ll like it, impact play is a fantastic starting point for your experiments, because it doesn’t demand a high skill level and it’s easy to scale back or ramp up.
Grab a paddle, or just use your hand, to deliver gentle blows on a body part of your partner’s choosing (the butt and thighs are popular locations) once they’re already turned on. To increase their psychological excitement, try making them count the hits aloud, scolding them about whatever you’re “punishing” them for, or talking dirty about the reward they’ll earn if they take their hits well.
Try this: for 30 minutes, one partner is in charge. They get to ask questions beginning in “May I…?” (if they’re more interested in topping, or giving sensation) or “Will you…?” (if they’re more interested in bottoming, or receiving sensation). The other partner may say yes or no – because, as always, consent is paramount – but they are not allowed to switch roles until the 30 minutes are up.
Games like this provide an easy container for partners to explore kink dynamics without needing to feel guilty or awkward about it. If the rules of the game dictate you’re in control, you’re less likely to worry you’re being selfish or silly – you’re just doing what you’re supposed to do, after all!
Intermediate and advanced kinksters can get into more complex stuff like rope bondage and suspension, but if you’re a beginner, you’ll want to stick with something simple. Under-the-bed restraints, for example, are a practically foolproof way to strap a person down and keep them in place.
Once someone is strapped down, they’re vulnerable to all sorts of kinky pleasures (if they consent, of course): shower them in kisses and licks all over their body, tickle them, bite them, go down on them, use toys on them, sit on their face, or whatever else sounds fun. Many submissive-leaning people respond spectacularly to the feeling of helplessness they get from bondage!
Granted, not everyone finds roleplay easy or fun. If you’re the type of person who hated high school drama class, avoids public speaking whenever possible, or is uncomfortable being the center of attention, then roleplay might sound like your worst nightmare. But if, on the other hand, you enjoy drama or improv, love storytelling, and have a naturally theatrical spirit, then roleplay might be right up your alley!
Here are some classic pairings you could experiment with: teacher and student, boss and employee, parent and babysitter, nurse (or doctor) and patient, musician and groupie… The sky’s the limit! You can incorporate any sexual acts you like into these roleplays, and you can make them as simple or as elaborate as you please. Costumes are optional (but great fun)!