Silence around sex breeds confusion and isolation. It’s why many people feel embarrassed or broken because of their kinks, it’s why we sometimes don’t even realize our kinks are kinks, and it’s why we’re often surprised to find that that “weird” thing we fantasize about is actually a pretty common sexual desire. Wouldn’t everything be better if we just talked about these things openly in our culture?!
Here are five surprisingly common fantasies many people have:
For example, many straight women report loving lesbian porn, perhaps for the way it focuses on female pleasure and doesn’t overemphasize intercourse like straight porn can. These women may or may not have a desire to play with other women in real life, but it can be a hot fantasy regardless.
According to a recent Pornhub data report, another common term women search for on porn sites is “gay (male).” Porn and fantasies allow us to “watch” or experience sex we might not otherwise be able to participate in – or might not want to participate in, even if we could. It’s one of the beautiful things about fantasizing!
As with many kinks, this one appeals largely because of the danger involved. There is always a risk someone will walk right into your scene when you’re having sex in a public place, which – for people who like this fantasy – is part of the thrill.
Actually enacting this fantasy is complicated for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is: it risks involving spectators in your sex non-consensually, which isn’t cool. But there are lots of ways to play out this kink in ways that are consensual for everyone involved, like getting it on in front of a crowd at a sex club or dungeon, or choosing a spot that feels public but is actually private (like your fenced-off back yard).
A frequent misunderstanding about these kinks is that they imply a desire for literal incest, i.e. having sex with your actual family members. In many cases, the people interested in these fantasies are not thinking about their family, but about the idea of inter-family fucking, and the taboo quality of that interaction.
“Stepmom” was the most-searched term on tube site Pornhub in 2015 and 2016, with “stepsister” not far behind. These search terms prove it’s not so much the genetic connection that matters here, but more the roles and archetypes at play. A stepmom, for example, might be a bossy, aggressive MILF, while a stepdaughter could be a submissive, obedient cutie who wants to be a good girl for Daddy. It’s easy (and potentially super hot) to act out these roles with a partner without incorporating actual incest at all.
Many people who fantasize about these things feel guilty for doing so. But the thing is, fantasizing about forced sex isn’t the same thing as actually perpetrating it or experiencing it.
You are not a bad person if you find these notions hot; it would only be bad if you actually acted on these fantasies in non-consensual ways. It’s entirely possible to act out a forced-sex fantasy with people who have enthusiastically consented to being “coerced.”
“Straight guys” is a common search term in the gay male porn category, for example, and one can assume the “coercion” involved is part of the appeal. In one popular porn genre, straight men are blindfolded and led to believe they’re going to receive a blowjob from a woman, but later in the scene, they discover it’s actually a man going down on them. Their subsequent outrage – or perhaps turned-on resignation – lends some fire to this hot fantasy.
That element of conflict and boundary-pushing is also what appeals to many people about the thought of being “raped,” a fantasy known as “consensual non-consent” because, of course, consent is the dividing factor between a taboo kink and actual violence.
In spite of – or perhaps because of? – the proliferation of “cuck” as an insult right-wing men sling at other men they perceive to be weak, the cuckold kink has gained a lot of attention and traction in recent years. The cuckold fetish typically involves a man watching his female partner having sex with a hotter, stronger, better-endowed man – though of course, the gender roles in any fantasy can always be bent, subverted, and played with.
For some people, this fantasy is about humiliation and degradation. For others, it may be related to a feeling of genuine joy when they see their partner having good sex with someone else – a feeling referred to in polyamorous communities as “compersion,” i.e. the opposite of jealousy.
Whatever their reasons, plenty of people enjoy this kink, and as long as they’re acting it out with enthusiastic mutual consent and clear boundaries in place, more power to them!
Do you have any unusual fantasies you’d like to share? Have you ever felt ashamed of your kinks?