Butt stuff is one of the most divisive sexual activities out there. The people who like it really like it – and the people who are nervous to try it are often terrified of it! And understandably so: our butts are tied up in body shame and cultural taboos. That little hole is so close to your genitals and yet sometimes it feels like it’s a world away!
If you’ve never delved into anal play before, here are some basic tips that’ll send you on your way safely and (hopefully) pleasurably…
You don’t need to do any preparation of your butt area other than a thorough rinse outside (and perhaps a few inches inside) with water and your fingers. However, if you want to get more intense about it, you can use an enema bulb to insert some lukewarm water into your butt to get you super clean in there. It’s generally not advised to do enemas too often, because they can mess with your butt’s health if done too frequently, but it’s fine to do them once in a while.
If you’re still worried about leaving a visible mess on your bedsheets, toys, or partner’s fingers/penis/whatever, you can lay down a dark towel and use dark-colored condoms and/or gloves during your anal play session. But really, try not to stress about this: mess is a pretty normal part of anal play, and a good, accepting partner will not judge you for it if it happens.
As you probably already know, the butt – unlike the vagina – does not self-lubricate. There is a small amount of mucous in there most of the time, but not enough to allow for safe and pleasurable penetration. Lube, therefore, is crucial!
Generally speaking, your best bet is a thick water-based lube like Sliquid Organics Gel. This type of lube lasts longer than your average water-based lube, stays more-or-less where you put it, and won’t stain your sheets or damage your sex toys like silicone-based lubes sometimes can.
Apply lube to anything that goes in your butt, even something as small as one finger, and reapply as necessary. Water-based lubes can also be reactivated by spraying or splashing a little water onto the area.
Your fingers (or your partner’s fingers) make great sex toys all on their own, and are conveniently size-variable: working up from one finger through two, three, or more is a wonderful way to warm up for larger penetration, or it can be pleasurable in and of itself. But if you want a different sensation than fingers can provide, or if your fingers are going to be otherwise occupied, toys can be an exciting and useful addition to your butt play.
The #1 consideration with butt toys is that they must have a flared base, i.e. be wider at the base than at any other part of the toy. This prevents the toy from slipping inside you, where it could get lodged and require a trip to the emergency room! It’s also helpful for anal toys to have a tapered tip, so your butt can slowly open up to the width of the toy, rather than needing to adjust to a thick shaft all at once. A simple silicone butt plug like the Fun Factory Bootie is a fantastic place to start. It’s smooth and flexible, so it’ll be comfortable even for a beginner, especially with lots of lube and warm-up.
If you want something a little fancier, the Njoy Pure Plugs are a similarly classic shape but are made of stainless steel. The weight of the metal makes them feel sensually heavy once inserted, and their gentle curve can press against the G-spot or the prostate. Plugs are an ideal way to get used to the sensation of anal penetration at your own pace.
Never rush into anal play: it has far more potential for injury and mishap than other types of sex and masturbation, so you need to be far more prudent. Start with smaller penetration than you think you need, and only increase the size once you feel relaxed and comfortable with the one you’re at. Though it can feel exciting to push your butt’s limits, it’s always wiser to take your time!
It’s also important to know that anal play should never hurt. It has a reputation as a painful sex act, but it’s only painful when it’s done incorrectly! If you’re going slow enough, using enough lube, and you’re properly aroused, being anally penetrated will not hurt. If it does, you know you need to slow down, go back to something smaller, or stop completely.
Any time you explore a sexual sensation that’s new to you, it’s a good idea to pair it with sensations you already know you like. Anal play will go a lot more smoothly if you’re highly turned on beforehand: watch some porn, read some erotica, fantasize, engage in foreplay with your partner, or do whatever else makes you feel sexy. Once the anal play actually starts, continue to prioritize your pleasure – butt stuff pairs beautifully with oral sex, vibrators, nipple clamps, or pretty much any other sexual treat!