There’s nothing else in the world quite like oral sex. The heat, the wetness, the intimacy, the tastes, the scents… It really is unique among sexual acts. And yet so many people still worry they’re bad at it, thereby cutting themselves off from the joys of giving head. It’s such a pity!
Whether you’re going down on someone who has a penis or a vulva, here are some timeless tips that’ll upgrade your oral game…
This is the #1 underrated secret to good sex in general, truth be told. Being palpably excited about your partner’s body and their pleasure can totally transform a sexual experience. It can help them relax, turn them on, make it easier for them to reach orgasm, and even let you enjoy the session more. Try expressing your fervor both verbally (e.g. “I can’t wait to get my mouth on you,” “You taste so good,” “I could do this all night”) and non-verbally (e.g. by grabbing their hips, moaning, and getting as physically close to them during oral sex as you possibly can). Employ some additional enthusiasm and watch your sex life transform before your very eyes!
Many people take a long time to come from oral, and this can be a source of anxiety. You can assuage a partner’s worries by assuring them you’re in this for the long haul – and then actually having the endurance to back this up! Exercise those jaw muscles and keep that tongue in tip-top shape. It’s also crucial to find a physical position you can sustain comfortably, like lying on your stomach on the bed, or kneeling between your partner’s legs with a pillow underneath you. Facesitting and face-fucking are also great fallbacks for if you get tired mid-session, and can be lots of fun!
Genitals are sensitive – you don’t just want to dive in at full throttle right off the bat. Get your partner hot and bothered via kissing, touching, dirty talk, and so on, before you even consider moving south. When you finally do, begin with slow and gentle touches, and ramp up appropriately as your partner gets more and more turned on. Some genitals like firmer stimulation than others; you’ll be able to tell when your partner wants more by observing their non-verbal signals (see below) or just, y’know, asking them.
Some people like to use the “channel-surfing” strategy during sex – i.e. trying a bunch of different techniques in a row to see which one your partner likes best – but this only works if you actually stay on the best “channel” once you find it! Keep an eye and an ear out for moans, gasps, increases in body tension, and other signs of pleasure – and once you find something that works, keep doing it! If you’re not good at heeding ambiguous signals, you could work out a more explicit system with your partner – like they’ll squeeze your hand when they’re really enjoying something and want you to continue with it. Worth noting: paying close attention to what’s happening can also help you enjoy yourself more, as techniques like mindfulness meditation and sensate focus have taught us.
Sex toys can add a lot to oral sex, particularly for people who find it difficult to get off from external stimulation alone. You’ll want something relatively compact that won’t get in your way too much, and that’s easy to operate while your mouth is busy elsewhere. The NobEssence Fling and Njoy Pfun are both solid choices, due to their easy-to-manipulate looped handles. If your partner enjoys internal vibration, something rumbly and curved, like the L’Amourose Prism V or We-Vibe Rave, could be a good addition to your mouth.