6 Ways to quell your curiousity about submission
Dominance and submission are on everybody’s lips ever since the Fifty Shades books came out, but many people still feel intimidated by BDSM. If you’ve never played with kinky dynamics before, it can be hard to know what to do and how to get started.
So for all those curious about taking on a submissive role, here are 6 suggestions for your first forays into D/s!
1. Talk about your fantasies.
It’s important for this to be step one, before you actually try this stuff in the flesh. Discuss your desire to be submissive with your partner(s), and see how they feel about it. Show them porn or erotica that depicts the situations you find hot. Maybe even sext or dirty-talk about these fantasies before you act them out. The more confident you both feel about it, the better it’s bound to go.
It doesn’t even really matter what you do once you’re kneeling; the posture itself may put you into a more compliant headspace. Give your partner oral sex, use toys on them, massage their feet, or do whatever else makes your partner feel good and makes you feel like you’re performing an appreciated service. This can be a lovely starting point for other power-exchange delights to come.
3. Wear a blindfold.
Talk about a simple introduction! There could be nothing easier than slipping a blindfold (or eye mask, or silk necktie, or bandana, or rolled-up tank top) over your eyes, and yet it can entirely transform your sexual experience. You could put it on before regular ol’ sex to add an element of surprise and mystery to what may otherwise have become rote, or you could have your partner run a feather tickler, an ice cube, or other sensory-play items all over your body… Whatever happens, you’ll feel more vulnerable and submissive than you do when your eyes are free to roam.
4. Experiment with pain.
Many submissives (though certainly not all) are also masochists to some extent. Spanking and other forms of impact play are a good place to start; you could also try face-slapping, nipple clamps, pinching, scratching, and biting. If you and/or your partner have never played with pain in a sexual context before, a 1-to-10 scale can be a useful tool: have them ask you to rate their painful ministrations out of 10 to gauge how much pain you can take and how much you want.
5. Give bondage a shot.
Under-the-bed restraints are a super easy way to tiptoe into bondage, if you’re interested. You could also start as simple as having your partner tie your wrists together behind your back before you go down on them. Limited motion will make you feel more helpless, and thus, more submissive!
6. Try “forced orgasm” play.
This makes a great combination with the aforementioned bondage, FYI! Whether you choose to act this out as a roleplay scene or just act like yourselves, it can be fun to have a partner strap you down and hold a vibrator on your bits – or give you a slow handjob, or go down on you, or do whatever else reliably gets you off – to administer an orgasm in a way that feels almost out of your control. Someone else having that much mastery over your body can be really hot!
More experienced submissives: how did you first get into it? What helped you when you were starting out?